


Great affection

by WannabeCreativeAuthor



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:42:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4841069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WannabeCreativeAuthor/pseuds/WannabeCreativeAuthor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set just after the events of "The Motion Picture" while they're still on the ship.<br/>Spock comes to the captain's quarters to talk things out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Great affection

A buzz from the door startled Admiral James T. Kirk out of his chair. He hadn't been sleeping, just resting his mind a little, which so far, had not been a success. All the events of the past few hours - or had it been days? - circulated through his brain in a repetitive loop.  
"Come", he said, trying to resume the composure of a captain on duty.  
The figure appearing in the doorway to his quarters surprised him.  


"Spock!"  


After three years of not having the Vulcan around, it took Jim some time to get used to the fact that they were sharing a ship again. The knowledge that this was only temporary gave his heart a little sting.  


"I didn't know you were so well already. I would've thought Bones wouldn't let you out of sickbay for at least two more days.", he grinned to give his statement a humor he didn't feel.  
After all the excitement was over, and earth was safe, the doctor had ordered Spock back under his care. The injections he had given him to make him fit for duty on the last part of the adventure, were no replacements for the rest Spock needed after the intense shock to his system. Since then they'd had no private moment to... yes, what exactly?  


Spock, characteristically with his arms behind his back, raised his eyebrows and said: "Indeed Dr McCoy insisted I was not to leave sickbay, he even threatened to strap me to the bed, but when I told him I needed to speak to you he was unusually compliant. On the condition that I return immediately as soon as we are done of course."  


"Of course", Jim smiled, picturing Bones wringing his hands in exasperation.  


There was a pause before Jim gestured towards a chair opposite the one he had exited just a moment ago "Please, sit."  
Spock obeyed. His movements were still a little more hesitant, but apart from that he seemed like his usual composed self. Then again Vulcans were good at hiding their insides.  


Jim slumped back into his chair as well, trying not to fidget too much with his hands. Not sure what to expect from this conversation, he cleared his throat.  
"So... what can I do for you?"  


"It is not easy for me to talk about", Spock said, looking at the neatly folded hands in his lap.  
Jim didn't reply and waited patiently for Spock to continue. He felt a vague dread creep up his spine.  


"I am not sure if you understood the whole meaning of what I said to you when I woke up in sickbay.", he left a pause again.  


"I was not just talking about V'ger."  


Jim's heart hammered in his chest.  


"I have been foolish, Jim. My Vulcan upbringing taught me to suppress my human side, to regard it as a defect. After the Enterprise returned from her five year mission I felt I had come too close... and when you confessed what I meant to you, I reacted in a manner that is simply unforgivable."  


The captain remembered the words well, uttered calmly and with a neutral expression, but nonetheless hurtful.  


_'I am a Vulcan, Captain. With all due respect, you cannot believe me to return your affection.'_  


Spock continued: "I felt the need to purge all of what tied me to my human ancestry. Although I told myself I attempted the Kolinahr out of devotion to Logic, it also served as a means to prove myself to the very society that has rejected me my whole life. I regarded my friendship with you as a failing. When you told me how much deeper your feelings were, I was suddenly confronted with the necessity to examine my own emotions."  


Jim swallowed "So, you're telling me you... panicked?", his voice sounded just a little shaky.  


"One could phrase it like that.", Spock said with an amused eyebrow-raise.  


Finally he looked up "I am sorry Jim."  


A warm glowy feeling spread through Jim's stomach. He hadn't dared to hope.  


Spock got up from his chair and crossed the distance between them. Before Jim could get up too, Spock kneeled down on the floor in front of him. He took one of Jim's hands in his own. Spock's skin was warm, and Jim could feel that the Vulcan was trembling slightly, betraying his mask of calmness.  


"Spock...", Jim whispered, not knowing what else to say. He felt like he was dreaming. All those nights he lay awake, mourning the loss of his best friend, reprimanding himself for giving in to his feelings...  


Spock glanced up at him "If my behaviour and the distance of three years have changed your mind about me, I understand. You did not deserve this kind of treatment."  


"I couldn't hate you.", Jim said, without looking Spock in the eye. "Although Bones tried his hardest to make me. And he doesn't even know the full story. He just saw that you left over night without leaving a note or saying goodbye... I think you owe him an apology as well."  


Spock looked down on their entwined hands in shame.  


Jim leaned forward slightly "But I refused to hate you. Call it a typical human illogical emotion or a lack of judgement, but I never really gave up on you."  


Spock slowly and gently ran his index and middle finger over the back of Jim's hand.  


"To know that I would not be permitted to think about you anymore was the hardest part of the Kolinahr, and when I felt your distress through our connection, I simply could not complete it. Still I thought I was prepared for our meeting. I had planned to play my part in rescuing earth from the intruder and then return to Vulcan. It took V'ger to show me that pure Logic is not as desirable a goal when it means that you can not appreciate the beauty present in all of the universe."  


Jim just nodded with a smile, he felt a heat creeping up in him.  


"I do not wish to return to Vulcan now, Jim."  


Reaching down, Jim cupped Spock's face with his free hand "I don't wish that either", he said, and then their lips met. It was the first time they were this intimate, physically at least, and Jim's head spun. The kiss was slow and sweet, testing new ground. It was all Jim had imagined it would be like, and more. The warm glow in his stomach grew and expanded through his whole body. He felt tingly and light-headed. There was more happiness inside him than he could possibly contain.  


They parted a little out of breath. Spock's face was tinged with a faint green blush, and Jim imagined his own face had taken some hue of red. Leaning his forehead against Spock's, he closed his eyes, smiling serenely.  


They stayed like this for a while, just breathing and taking in the other's presence. Then Spock spoke up again: "Was that... enjoyable for you Jim?"  


Jim chuckled lightly "Yes, I like that very much."  


"Good.", Spock replied matter-of-factly as he pulled Jim in for another kiss. Without breaking it, Jim slid down the seat of the chair until he straddled Spock's lap. He draped his arms around Spock's neck, who slung his around Jim's waist in a tight embrace. Their bodies were so close now that Jim could feel Spock's heart beating just above his left hip.  


When they broke apart again to breathe, Jim nestled his head against Spock's neck. He felt so secure. Spock's warmth melted away a cold he hadn't even been aware of.  


"Jim?"  


"Yes?"  


"I feel great affection towards you."  


"Does that mean 'I love you' in Vulcan terms?"  


"... yes."  


"I love you too, Spock."


End file.
